I don't understand what this sickness is all about. Everyday anaemia you want to be playing me. Making me feel breathless and sick and shit.
Lord only knows why my nose is bleeding & why I acc threw up this time. Dhshsyqiqgqh why now? Can you behave.

... like ngl, I'm kind of scared. Idk what ny body's playing at.

Om mani padme hum

Why does peace seem decades away. Even though my bliss lays next to me.

Simple Peace

I dream of a simple life.
A life with the sun and moon to light our way, the grass to lay on, trees to run through, and rivers to cleanse in. A family to spend my days with, laugh with, smile with, talk to.
A lover to hold at night, to kiss my forehead as the sun comes up and pull me in tighter as the morning breeze touches our cheek bones.
I dream of the simple life; where the flowers are luminous in the summer sun, where the streams glisten back at us like diamonds, where bees make peace upon a human's shoulder; and where a human makes peace in the shade of a large oak tree.
I dream of the days we come forth as a family while the sun sets, to gather, hold hands, and send up our prayers for continuous faith, love, peace. For us to be guided to love all that is given to us, to take it all as a blessing.
I dream of the days our eyes can peel open from the sweet sound of a voice singing and humming coming from beyond our bedroom walls, while the warm sun shines down our bodies, heating them up only to be cooled down with a cold shower before entering the kitchen and helping to cook breakfast. Or dancing around the house with the children, watching as their grins spread widely across their faces, tears from laughter form in their eyes. Their squeels and giggles as we pick them up and swing them about, sit them on our hip and dance with them just like our mother's did to us.
I dream of the simple life, the one our mother's and grandmother's lived before us.
I dream of tranquility, nature, warmth.
I dream of peace.
Simple, simple peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqVrNK4uiB4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Simple peace in the arms of my lover

Deux ♡

to my lover from another.

"Nicole, your beauty intrigues me and I will never understand how such beauty lives in such an ugly world with such peace and innocence, I respect you for that. You make the moon jealous with your beautiful face and the sun cry with your natural grace, how you do it..I will never understand. You are a beautiful figure who will never see the dark nights alone, you will always have me there with you and I've proved it already, you will never see the bright days alone because through the dark nights I will take you to the brighter days.

The most beautiful human there is to know, the most beautiful human I only know"

The most beautiful soul, it is you - Nicole.

Lotus' new lay out, yeyeyeyeye

F U C K I N G S P R U N G G G G G G G G G G

I don't understand. It's allllways the same fucking thing. It's me. I spoil shit. I ruin it.
Why can't you learn.

It's not everyday be selfish Nicole.
It's not everyday say things without thinking.
It's not everyday kill a mood.
It's not everyday sulk.
It's not everyday take things to heart.
It's not everyday spoil banter.
It's not everday act spoilt, ungrateful, childish.
It's not everyday do things to fuck up your happiness man, and the happiness of your world. Sometimes don't be stupid. 
Sometimes idk behave. 

I'm sorry.
All I can do is apologise.
My faults, your burdens. I'm sorry.
I am truly sorry.
From every part of me.
From my; stomach tense with fear, my hands stabbing in pain, my shoulders hunched over in insecurity, head hanging over in shame; and like always, hot tears running down my cheek.
I'm sorry for what I will do and what I will fail to do.
For the pain that I could possibly bring one day.
I am ashamed and apologising for something I haven't done; and something I never plan to do, but solely because being in the wrong; is what I'm famous for..

I am sorry.

Deux;

It's true.
I've said time and time again, I hurt people.
You know why?
Because I don't learn. I don't. I don't understand this stubborn mentality.
I'm reassured that there's many things that aren't necessary in a relationship or friendship; constantly.
But when it goes to act on it. I always seem to go too fucking far. So fucking far.
I guess I'm torn between my happiness and everyone elses.
Me; I've grown up as an altruist. I live for you. For others. My life, my lives, my love, my loves.
So many times I've been told to be selfish for once. Do me for once. I "deserve" it.
But when I have the courage to I hurt people. It's a lose lose situation Nicole you know this. I just feel helpless. I can't. I don't fucking know how to stop myself. I don't know how to fix things.
How shit has this girl become that she can't even help her own sisters. That they feel discomfort in speaking to her.
Idk what I've become anymore.
I just... I can't. It's always you Nicole. Always the same thing. Be selfish and pay the consequences.
They deserve better, not you.

It's hard to explain to people why I like to be alone. But this is it. There's no chance of hurting them. If you're alone the only person you can hurt is yourself; irrelevant.
But guess I could turn around and say I'm pathetic. I don't know. Self pity? How does it fucking help.

Dear Nicole
Be selfish and pay the conequences.

ANDROMEDA