Why do we hide what we are feeling. Why do we hide the pain and tears behind a smile. Although we do know the pain wont last forever, but just as long as it's here, it hurts like fuck. So you try and distract yourself, but you always coming back to the same conclusion.
I recently had an argument with a friend of mine. And it killed me because I never wanted things to get that far. And things were said that didn't need to be said, especially from my part. When it happened all I could do was cry, and cry. I actually hated myself, I felt like such a bitch. I just wanted to die. I tried convincing myself that it would all blow over within a week or two. But it didn't work, the guilt was killing me. I hated myself so much. But i'd never tell people how frustrated, angry, and sad I was, I would just put on a smile and act like everything was okay. When really inside I was dying.
It's pretty much forgotten about now, and I gather she's over it, but it's still there for me.
Things are never going to go back to how they were.
Sometimes it's just better when you keep your mouth shut.
Ergh. I suck...
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