I didn't think I could miss someone so much in such a short amount of time. This type of yearning, missing; it hurts. It hurts to blink knowing they won't be there when you open your eyes, it hurts to breathe without being able to smell the sweet fragrance of their skin, it hurts knowing I have to go another night without falling asleep in your arms, or waking up buried in your chest. It hurts. And I don't know whether this is normal, I don't; not even 6 months and the pain of not having a life together cuts pretty fucking deep, the pain often seems so unbearable. Is that normal? Is that fucking normal? That's what I'm supposed to be asking myself right? Whether I'm normal, whether WE are normal?
Is it normal that I can see our apartment layout in it's different shades and colour schemes? Is it normal that I can see us sitting in our seats, waiting for our plane to take off on our honeymoon? Is it normal that I can see her holding my hand, comforting me, and shedding tears of joy when our first child is born? Is that normal?
I swear who even fucking cares anymore. There is no normal. There is none. Is normal drinking beer on the veranda with your husband? Is it going to dinner and being able to kiss because heterosexuality is "normal"? Maybe. But who even cares. REALLY BECAUSE I FUCKING DON'T. I want to be with my beautiful girlfriend. I want to go to dinner and have her pull me out a chair, hold my hand, and kiss me just like the rights everyone else was given. I want to walk down the main road her holding my waist; and not get any looks. I WANT HER. I swear to God she's all I want, I want my life, with her. She's my all, my everything.  And not being able to see her or be with her everyday; it KILLS me. Like everyday without her a part of me dies. All I want is to be with her. So much. So much it hurts, and stings, and burns like a hot branding iron pressing through my stomach. I'm sick of falling asleep alone. I'm sick of walking around my house and not being able to shout "baby", I'm sick of living in the world we do, having people that are so fucking "normal" around us. Because now I've had a taste of perfect, normal just doesn't cut it anymore.