It's true.
I've said time and time again, I hurt people.
You know why?
Because I don't learn. I don't. I don't understand this stubborn mentality.
I'm reassured that there's many things that aren't necessary in a relationship or friendship; constantly.
But when it goes to act on it. I always seem to go too fucking far. So fucking far.
I guess I'm torn between my happiness and everyone elses.
Me; I've grown up as an altruist. I live for you. For others. My life, my lives, my love, my loves.
So many times I've been told to be selfish for once. Do me for once. I "deserve" it.
But when I have the courage to I hurt people. It's a lose lose situation Nicole you know this. I just feel helpless. I can't. I don't fucking know how to stop myself. I don't know how to fix things.
How shit has this girl become that she can't even help her own sisters. That they feel discomfort in speaking to her.
Idk what I've become anymore.
I just... I can't. It's always you Nicole. Always the same thing. Be selfish and pay the consequences.
They deserve better, not you.

It's hard to explain to people why I like to be alone. But this is it. There's no chance of hurting them. If you're alone the only person you can hurt is yourself; irrelevant.
But guess I could turn around and say I'm pathetic. I don't know. Self pity? How does it fucking help.

Dear Nicole
Be selfish and pay the conequences.